Step into the rabbit hole

DH and I developed a deep, loving, honest and respectful relationship with each other during our time in the neutral state. After close to a year, DH was coming to the end of the project for which he'd been sent to this state for. It was time for us to make a choice; should he quit the job that sent him there and accept one offered to him in this new state and start our lives in this place foreign to both of us? Should we pick up and move to my home state where we would both have to find new jobs, or should I go with him back to his home state? The choice was made for me to accompany him to his home state.

Enter FIL and Narcissist(?) Stepmother (Hereafter referred to as N?SM-the ? is because at this time I'm not sure about her true intentions or goals). DH had only been renting a room in his friends house up to this point. He travels a lot for work so the maintenance of home ownership wasn't realistic. Prior to DH coming back to his home state, he and the friend had a major falling-out (long story short, friend got engaged to a N and turned on DH when he didn't enable them using him for $) and returning to that situation was out of the question. FIL and N?SM offered us space in their home. We accepted and spent 3 months their until we purchased our first home.

What is so important to understand, is the history between NMIL and FIL. They married at 19/20. and had 2 children-DH and NSIL. When DH was 8 they divorced and 5 years of raging drama and court battles ensued. The battles came to an end after both children had suffered to the point of failing in school, depression and suicidal thoughts. The battle didn't end because the parents came to an agreement out of love for their children's well-being; rather it came out of sacrifice by FIL. He relinquished custody in order to save them from further emotional decimation.


NMIL spent all of DH and NSIL's childhood training them to believe that FIL abandoned them because he didn't care. NMIL, upon meeting me, immediately began trying to control my view of FIL as well by announcing that FIL beat her, was a druggie, cheated and addicted to porn,every chance she gets. ESF chimes in with supportive accusations when she's on a rant.

The first time I had to witness this attempt at character assassination was soon after we had arrived to DH's home state, and we had come to visit NMIL and ESP. We attempted to reserve exactly who it was we were staying with, but NMIL correctly figured it out, and standing there in the dining room, her and ESP began word vomiting every degrading thing they could come up with about FIL. I promptly stated that I respected both parents in their contribution to my DHs existence, but I was not cool with listening to this junk from either parent. I then turned and walked outside.

It wasn't until recently I realized that as many times and NMIL has gone on about how terrible FIL was, she never, not once, ever gave an example of him being a poor father. Certainly no reason that would explain why someone would feel it necessary for FIL to be completely removed from the children's lives. Every slight she had/has against FIL has to do with their relationship as a married couple. Crazy fact: NMIL and FIL haven't had any contact at all in over 8 years, and the only reason for that contact was NSIL's wedding to her first husband.

Enter the rabbit hole, where truth is shunned and honesty dies.