Today is that day where I've lost my composure. There is nobody around but me thank God.
One week until our wedding, living in my DH's home state surrounded by his FOO and friends. My family resides 12 hours away. This wedding has been planned and re-planned over and over to the point we are at now, which is basically eloping. We've re-planned it so many time because NMIL and FIL can not put their ancient hatred for one another aside long enough to let DH and I have our own moment. I've never really cared that there would be no bridal shower, or bachlorette party or any of that junk. I always thought it rather trivial, and though I still do, today I'm wishing all those things were possible. I wish those things were possible, because that would mean we'd be surrounded by people who loved us. People who cared, and found joy in this stepping stone of our lives. People to share these memories with. For some reason it hit me hard today at Target of all places. I went in to try and find a pair of earrings to wear for the wedding, and there I was alone. Ugh. Shake it off right?
Wish my mother was here. I know without a doubt I could call and tell her I needed her here and she would show up, but her and my Dad are on vacation and will be meeting us in the town we are getting married in a couple days before the wedding. So, I can wait.
Kerielle, I saw you started following my blog and stopped over here to see what you are writing about.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are struggling. These kinds of moments always seem to shine a spotlight on what we are forced to miss out on because of the Ns. I know I've had many of them, and it can be difficult (one was during my very young son's surgery, where I had to sit in the waiting room by myself, as I couldn't trust our families to not make it about THEM.)
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I hope you wedding day is drama free and a moment you can enjoy. I hope you have a contingency plan if they start drama, like having another family member ask them to leave. Good luck. J
Hey Jessie,
ReplyDeleteI've just discovered NPD in the last couple months, and have been searching for information when I came across all the bloggers here that have been sharing their stories. It's really helpful to hear from others who have been/are going through similar situations. I started this as a way to help my DH pull out of the bog of eternal guilt his FOO puts him in, but by doing that I've found myself becoming their target and it's definitely heavy stuff to carry. Thank you for commenting-not being able to trust the very people who you should be able to trust the most is harrowing. You made a very good suggestion. DH and I had talked about it and decided that if someone starts drama they will definitely be told to leave. We are kind of in the position that it will have to be DH and I that tells them to leave as the only other people present besides NMIL & ESF and FIL & NSM will be my parents.
Unfortunately, the more you try to help your husband, the more his family will see you as the enemy. You are trying to take away one of their tools of manipulation. It's a very difficult situation to be in. The best advice I can give you is to set boundaries early and be firm about it. This does not get better or easier if you try to "get along".
ReplyDeleteOne good blog I found was this one:
http://narcissisticmil.wordpress.com/
There are others that offer the in-law perspective of narcissism, but this blogger has some very real and tangible ideas on how to deal with it.
And it may be necessary for your DH to do his own work. That "guilt" pull can be very difficult. And it would be best to deal with all of this before (if) you choose to have children. It gets even more difficult then, and it really sucks to have important moments with your children screwed with.
Jessie, I know this post is a few years old, but I'm wondering how your wedding went? I hope life is more peaceful for you these days.
ReplyDelete